weary, that’s one way to describe it

gotta’ find the positive. i now get 2 or sometimes 2.5 days of productive time from each crashed, totally-fuckin’-wiped-out day. not too long ago it was on a one-one ratio. tough to get things done.

i’ve been looking at various approaches to de-slumping with nutritional supplements since discovering that the amino acid, Tryptophan, is a pre-cursor to serotonin and the function of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as Prozac and Cymbalta is to increase the amount of serotonin available for the brain, so that we’ll feel better. or will feel less like shit. etc. and i thought, wow, maybe it’d be better to simply provide my body with the ingredients it needs rather than screwing with the natural flow of neurotransmitters with chemicals like cymbalta from companies such as eli lilly who know next to nothing about what this shit does or how it does it and less about what else happens downstream and pretty much nothing about what happens over time when the body / brain adapt and adjust according to tricky little bits of some very bright scientist’s chemistry experiment.

i now picture the majority of medical doctors, who typically, since before leaving pre-med school, have been dined and wined by the pharmaceutical corporations, as little, tie and red-vest-wearing rhesus monkeys cranking out a tune on a tinny little organ while being tightly leashed by their owner, Mr. PharmaCorp.

it is shocking that MDs receive such a relatively minuscule amount of nutritional training. the situation is that a lot of university funding comes in the way of research grants, building funds and donations from corporations who benefit when doctors prescribe medication. the medically-trained folks who end up working for the Federal Drug Administration or Health Canada have grown accustomed to having big pharma pick up the tab for lunch, and for that ever-so-important-and-why-not-bring-the-wife conference in Tahiti.

a guy on an FDA pharmacological committee responsible for advising on the approval of Prozac, David Dunner, ended up receiving 1.4 million US dollars from eli lilly for research and seminars. prior to its approval, he’d already delivered five seminars regarding “depressive disorder” for lilly and, had conducted a 100-person, prozac clinical trial, also for lilly.

when asked about a potential conflict of interest he declined to mention these activities. when asked about future involvement with lilly, he also failed to mention the engagements lilly had already booked him for, to be delivered following its approval. well, the very day following prozac’s approval, dunner delivered a seminar in Pittsburgh. five days following prozac’s FDA approval, Dunner began an lilly-commissioned study about prozac and sleep patterns. yes, sleazy stuff.

it’s the way the pharmaceutical horror-show works and why we can end up with drugs that induce suicide and withdrawal behavior that decimates otherwise loving relationships while the gatekeepers are catching rays with the mistress.

i was especially intrigued when i learned that tryptophan was banned from sale in the US by the FDA just a few days prior to Newsweek’s feature story on Prozac. yes, and the bad press about turkey dinners causing people to fall asleep because of that nasty tryptophan again just begged for notice. how much accumulative impact can an effective, well-funded PR department have? truth is, there’s less tryptophan in turkey than in chicken, in fact, there’s less than in goose, duck and quail on a weight-comparative basis.

tryptophan is an essential amino acid that’s needed by the body but can’t be produced by it. proteins are made up of amino acids. somehow, the availability of a naturally-occurring, ingredient that is critical to good health, has been prohibited. mmm, opportunity, motive and means. what? a fine upstanding, organization like eli lilly, one with such pronounced corporate ethics. huh? you mean they can’t get insurance coverage any more because of all of the payouts they’ve had to make and because insurance companies believe that they’re too flakey? oh, wait, you mean there’s more? holy crap, like a chronic drunk driver having to attend those meetings, eli lilly has been ordered to enter into a five year Corporate Integrity Agreement with the Office of Inspector General of the Department of Human Services for a case prosecuted by Pennsylvania.

this is part and parcel of lilly’s plea agreement to charges of selling another one of their potions for unapproved purposes. for getting caught, they were fined $1.4 billion dollars, including a $515 million criminal fine. trust me, i’m a pharmaceutical corporation.

so, not being particularity inclined toward swallowing a pill pushed by that kind of dealer again, i’ve been scouring reference material in an effort to escape from this very dark, heavy curtain. there’s been a few positive signs, though it’ll take a while before i can offer anything specific that might be of value. in addition to the internet, i’ve added the following books to my library:

while several of these promote the respective author’s particular recovery programs, they all contain insight and qualified knowledge about the effects of nutrition on the way we feel. one can only imagine how much progress could be made if pimp-corps like lilly turned their focus to generating money by making the world a healthier place. yes, victims of world hunger, starving children and war-mongers everywhere could be enabled to see a different world. or see the same world, differently.

so, with the cymbalta-withdrawal tinnitus blaring still, i’m attempting to build an airplane at the same time i’m trying to fly it, out of here.


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